Dear Straight Girls,
“I’m bisexual” is not code for “I have a crush on you.” Nor is it code for “I’m promiscuous and you should feel uncomfortable with that.” You may think you’re helping by saying “I think everyone’s a little bit bisexual,” but to a lot of us it sounds like, “You’re not really different, stop whining.” I don’t like it when you gush with me about a cute guy I know but awkwardly change the subject when I talk about a cute girl. It sends the message, even if it may be unintentional, that you support and are excited about my potential relationships with men, but my potential relationships with women make you uncomfortable. Don’t vaguely say “your future husband” or “the guy you’ll end up with” to me. In most cases that seems to imply that you are okay with my bisexuality as long as it ends up “the right way” in the end or that you think it will go away. If I flirt with you not knowing that you don’t play for my team, chances are I’m just as embarrassed about it as you are.
Stop Facebook-marrying your best friends. To you it may look like a harmless way to tell everyone that you’re super close, but to girls who like other girls you’re trivializing our relationships. Your straight girl friendship is not the same as a same-sex marriage. Not even close. On a similar note, stop calling your favorite pretty actresses your “girl crushes.” Again, it trivializes our feelings for other women in ways that you may not think about. It’s that attitude that led to most of my straight girl friends from high school not taking my first crush on another girl seriously. I’m not saying you can’t appreciate another woman’s good looks without being sexually attracted to her, just call it something different and remember that my wanting to have romantic relationships with women is not the same as you pinning pictures of Jennifer Lawrence on your Pinterest celebrities board.
Though this one has not yet happened to me personally, I still think it’s worth noting. If you decide that you want to have a “lesbian experience” just for shits and giggles, think before you ask me to be your guinea pig. Explore your sexuality all you want, but remember that your bisexual and lesbian friends are not toys that you can just “try out”. On a less-extreme note, it is not my job to be your peppy talking search engine about all things bisexual. My “edgy” sexual orientation does not make it any more acceptable to ask invasive questions about my sex/dating life than it would be if I were straight. And just to set the record straight, the way two girls have sex is NOT that complicated. We use our hands, mouths, and vaginas. You do the rest of the math.
Since I used to consider myself one of you lot, I have done and said some of these things. I included them in this post because I wish I had known at the time that they annoy and upset bisexual women. My intention was not to make fun of you or to imply that you’re all ignorant, just to make you pay more attention to the ways that you might be biphobic without even realizing it.