The Biggest Fictional Punk-ass Bitches

It’s funny how no one knows the qualifications that make someone a punk-ass bitch but it seems that whenever I point out that someone is one, people know exactly why. Everyone knows their share of punk-ass bitches

Marius- Les Misérables. His antics in the musical make it fairly clear that this guy is a punk-ass bitch, even if they are new to the story. However, most of his true punk-ass bitchery lies in the things from the book that were eliminated from the only adaptation that the mainstream acknowledges. For example, the way he creeps on Cosette for at least a solid month before finally speaking to her. This is why I like to call him “Creepyus”

Percy Weasley- Harry Potter series. Do I even have to explain why?

Teagan- Doctor Who. This punk-ass bitch traveled with Peter Davison’s incarnation of the Doctor in the 80s, along with two lesser punk-ass bitches, Adric and Nyssa. I haven’t seen very many episodes with her but from the looks of it all she does is whine about wanting to go home. Whichever writer thought that was a good decision for the plot should have been fired.

Pippin- Pippin (the musical). This punk-ass bitch basically spends the entire musical singing about how he’s too good for any job he gets on his search for fulfillment. He’s a typical overgrown spoiled brat who was told that he was special by default his whole life without doing much of anything to earn that praise. And the show was written in the 70s so he’s not even from my “entitled” generation.

Eric Night- House of Night Series. Every person who is attracted to guys has probably had a crush on a punk-ass bitch like him but grew to regret it.

Nick Carraway- The Great Gatsby. It’s only fitting that this punk-ass bitch was played by Tobey Maguire, king of the real-life punk-ass bitches, in the most recent film adaptation.

Phoebus-Notre Dame de Paris. The characterization of this punk-ass bitch is one of the few things that Disney didn’t completely bastardize when they got the brilliant idea to adapt this Hugo classic into a motherfucking cartoon. I guess it’s not hard to make unadulterated egotism palatable to young audiences.

Rosemary-How to Succeed in Business Without Really Trying. The way this punk-ass bitch is written is one of many blatantly sexist aspects of the show. Her solo number is called “I’d be Happy to Keep His Dinner Warm” and I think that says everything you need to know about her.

Raoul: Phantom of the Opera. Poor Christine, caught in a love triangle between scary abusive Erik and the punk-ass bitch who knew her when she was a kid but didn’t like her that way until she became a successful opera singer. This dude is almost on par with Marius.

Mike-Twilight Saga. I’m embarrassed to admit it, but I read the entire series when I was in middle school and found myself enjoying it at the time before I realized that it basically condones intimate partner abuse and other fucked up shit. Let’s be real though, every character in it is a punk-ass bitch, but this annoying self-proclaimed nice guy takes the cake

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