How to Make Your Barrista Hate You Without Really Trying

Change your order after you already paid

This is something I have dealt with a surprising number of times. I’d think it would be pretty obvious that no, I can’t make a caramel frappucino instead of the iced tea that you ordered BECAUSE FRAPPUCINOS COST MORE! 

Ask if we can make your drink before everyone else’s

Since the Starbucks that I work at is in an amusement park, this is a pretty common occurrence when there are kids on a field trip who want to get something for the ride home and it’s not until they wait in line for about twenty minutes, order, and see that there are approximately ten thousand drinks ahead of theirs in the process that they realize “oh shit, my bus is leaving” and then beg us to make theirs first. Sweeties, you should have thought of that before you came in.

 Ask us to re-make your entire cold drink because you didn’t want whipped cream

Usually we can manage to scrape it off pretty cleanly, but even if there is a minuscule bit left on the top, it is not going to kill you or ruin your diet.

Order something off the Secret Menu TM without knowing what goes in it, get pissed at us for not knowing it

A lot of kids seem to be under the impression that the Secret Menu TM is like some crazy inside thing that we all know as well as the other drinks instead of just the suggestions for fun customizations that it is. If you have the recipe then yes, we will gladly make it for you. But if not we kinda can’t.

Say “but all the OTHER Starbucks do it!” when you’re in a licensed store

If I had a dollar for every time I heard that complaint I wouldn’t even need this job. Trust me, it would be GREAT if we could do all the things your local Starbucks could. But as it happens, we are not owned by the franchise, but by Cedar Point so some of the rules are different.

Mosey the fuck around when we call out your drink

We want to move on to the next one without wondering where the fuck you are.

Ask for a cup of water when we are clearly in the middle of making a drink

The number of drinks I’m trying to wrangle and the likelihood of someone asking for a cup of water have strong positive correlation and this is frustrating.

Ask us to re-make your drink without saying what was wrong with it

How the fuck else are we supposed to fix it?

Mumble when you’re ordering something complicated

In case you haven’t noticed, it’s hard to hear in here. If you can, please speak up.

Ask dumb questions

The straws and sleeves are right in front of your face. Yes we HAVE napkins. They are on the condiment bar. No we do not have low-fat whipped cream.

Ask for “just regular hot tea”

“Just plain coffee” we can do. We have medium roast coffee all brewed up and ready. But there is no similar default for tea.

Eagerly ask what it’s like to work here

Oh honey, you don’t wanna know.

Put innuendos that might upset someone as your name on your cup

I’m looking at you, “Pussy,” “Penis,” and “Black Jesus.” Just don’t.

Act like our sole purpose of existing is to make you fuckers happy

Though yes, it is what we are paid to do, that does not give you an excuse to be an asshole. I know this can be hard to believe, but we have feelings, just like any person. In many other cultures it is completely acceptable for customer service employees to be rude right back to rude customers. But in most cases in our “the customer is always right” and “have it your way” culture we are obligated to be nice to you no matter what. Day after day that takes a toll on employees so please show a little bit of respect for us.

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