Warning: sexist, homophobic, cissexist, islamophobic, and ableist language.
So today on my college campus we had another visit from a group of bible thumpers. They spent several hours in the diag spewing misinformation and hellfire. When I had a break between classes, I decided to watch the train wreck, along with a growing crowd of students. The man who spoke for the majority of the time I was there put on a lab coat and claimed that he was a “sex therapist” and spread sexism and misinformation about sex while many of us protested.
- To a woman who spoke to him: “Get back in your place!”
- “Ladies, on your honeymoon make sure to lie on your back so your husband doesn’t get your vagina confused with your anus.”
- “I described the penis as banana-like, but remember that it is not a banana. It is not something you eat. It is not something you suck on like a lollipop either.”
- “Many of you are probably diagnosed with clinical depression. You have been told that there is a chemical imbalance in your brain. That is a lie. You don’t have to be depressed, you need to cheer up.”
- “Feminism has succeeded in emasculating men and making you SENSITIVE and in touch with your FEELINGS.”
- “We men make a lot of sacrifices so you women can have babies. Like when the baby cries and the mother has to go feed it, it interrupts the father’s sleep.”
- “Here is a list of Islamic countries that value love and freedom.” *holds up blank white board.* Student:
- *uses a power strip to demonstrate that penis-vagina sex “works better” than same-genital sex.*
- “Before you are married, your penis should be used only for urination. But after you’re married your penis becomes an organ of reproduction.”
- “Ladies, I can’t help but notice that some of you are a bit flat-chested. God is working on your personalities. I also notice that those of you with larger breasts seem a bit dizzier than those with smaller breasts.”
- “Now, most men aren’t like Obama. Most men are like Bill Clinton. He’s married to the so-called most intelligent woman in the world, but he preferred Monica Lewinsky and her large breasts. Most men are like that.”
- Student: So if God’s ‘working on my personality because I have small tits, is he working on yours because you clearly have a dick the size of a jelly bean? Him: This young lady was probably fantasizing about me last night!
- Student: You’re saying that women are made for men? Him: Yes. Women were made for men.
- When the sperm goes up the fallopian tubes, the ovary releases an egg.
- Right before you have sex your penis becomes more like a cucumber than a banana.
- *Gives long talk about anatomy* Student: what about the clitoris? Him: We have more important things to talk about. Me: but the clitoris is very important!