Since I have become a lot more open about my sexual orientation and encountered many more comments about it that I think should not be said since I wrote “Things You Might Want to Avoid Saying to a Bisexual Girl” I think it’s time for a sequel.
1. “Everyone’s a little bit bi. Sexuality is a spectrum.”
Funny enough, the vast majority of people who I’ve heard say this consider themselves to be straight. You know what else is a spectrum? Visible light. But nobody goes around calling everything they see a little bit green.
2. Suggest that a different label might suit us better
It is not your job to police other people’s identities. Having a preference of one gender over others that one is attracted to does not make a person any less bisexual if they say they are. If I tell you that I’m bisexual, don’t suggest that I might actually be pansexual. Pansexaul is also a cool identity, I just don’t think it applies to me. I use the word bisexual because I think it accurately describes me and I am the only person who is qualified to make that assessment. Similarly, don’t tell your friend who has said that she’s a lesbian that she’s actually bi because she had a boyfriend in high school or your pansexual friend that they would make it easier on everyone if they referred to themselves as bisexual. They are also the only people qualified to decide what terms describe them.
3. “Men find bisexual women appealing. You don’t have it that bad.”
Yes, that is something an actual human said to me. Guess what, men, our lives do not revolve around you. And the reasons why a lot men think that we as a group are “hot” is because they think we are into threesomes or have extra high sex drives. Yeah, forgive me for not jumping for joy over my objectification.
4. “I’m not like those other guys, I’d date a bisexual girl.”
Do you want a trophy or something? That is quite literally the bare minimum standard for not being an asshole.
5. “I dated a bisexual girl once and she cheated on me.”
Oh, you’re a straight guy? I dated a straight guy once and he decided he didn’t want to see me anymore after he got what he wanted.
6. “Bisexual people have straight privilege.”
The only people who have straight privilege are straight people.
7. “Okay, but you have straight-passing privilege.”
Heteronormativity is a pain in the ass for many reasons, but perhaps one of the shittiest aspects of it is whether or not you “pass” as straight there is no way to win. When you don’t pass it’s easy for people to hurt you on purpose, but if you do it’s easy for people to hurt you without even trying.
8. You’re just doing it for attention.”
Yeah because I just love having a difficult life. It’s the best.
9. “Being bi is trendy now.”
We have always existed. And even if more of us have started coming out recently, that is none of your concern. If anything more people being comfortable enough to come out as bisexual shows that we are making progress, slowly but surely.
10. “But you seem straight.”
I know that might have sounded like a compliment, but it’s not. How exactly does one seem straight anyway?
11. “There is no reason for you to be single all the time.”
Woody Allen is full of shit. Bisexuality does not “automatically double your chances of getting a date on Saturday night.” More often than not, it just doubles the number of people to awkwardly try to flirt with and not be successful. Woody Allen is full of shit for a lot of other reasons too, but that’s a discussion for another time.
12. “Oh, so do you watch Orange is the New Black?”
Yes, yes I do. For the most part it’s a great show. But you know what would make it even better? IF THEY ACTUALLY REFERRED TO PIPER AS BISEXUAL AND NOT A “FORMER LESBIAN” OR “CURIOUS STRAIGHT GIRL.”
13. “You’re not gay enough to be here.” (here referring to any LGBTQ+ space)
The B is in the acronym for a reason. I have talked pretty extensively about my experiences with biphobia and bisexual erasure and if my accounts aren’t enough to make you believe that we are oppressed enough to go to pride parades and gay bars, then there are plenty of other bisexual people who have been around longer than I have and endured much worse shit who can probably change your mind.