In my various situations when I have thought that telling people was necessary, I have heard an interesting variety of responses to my sexual identity. While some proclaimed that they love me anyway, others were indifferent, and others were just plain rude. Here I’ve collected a list of some out-of-line comments and questions people make when they meet a bi-girl, often without realizing it. Since I just turned 19 years old, let’s make that the number of items.
1. “Do you like guys or girls better?”
Everyone asks this and they all seem to think that it’s simple enough for a one-word answer. It’s not. I’d suggest that you only ask this question if you really want to know, not if you just want to be in the gender that I “prefer”.
2.Anything that insinuates that I sleep around.
This stereotype is especially fun because it makes people not want to date me. I don’t. And even if I did, why do you care?
3.Anything that insinuates that bisexual=cheater.
That stereotype is even more fun than the sleeping around one and is widely believed by straight and gay people alike. I know that there are some bi-people who date a man and a woman at the same time, but I’m pretty sure that I’m not one of them.
4. *mentions that I went on a date with a guy* “So you’re back to boys now?”
That’s not how it works.
5. *mentions that I went on a date with a girl* “So you’re gay now?”
That’s not how it works either.
6. “Who’s your celebrity crush?”
I won’t get annoyed or upset if you ask this one. The reason why I included it is because it can be awkward when you’re expecting me to tell you just one and I don’t know whether to say a guy or a girl. In case you’re now wondering my top guy ones are Matt Smith, Gaspard Ulliel, Aaron Tveit, Marc-André Grondin, and Ben Barnes. My top girl ones are Karen Gillian, Ellen Page, Florence Welch, Léa Seydoux, and Emma Watson. One of my friends who is a lesbian said that she also doesn’t like answering this question when the group she’s in is mostly made up of straight girls.
7. “Are you sure?”
If I wasn’t I probably wouldn’t have told you.
8. “You’re just confused.”
No, you’re the one who’s asking all these stupid questions. I think you’re the confused one.
9. ‘You’re desperate.”
No one has said those exact words to me YET but they have been pretty strongly implied. Anyone who has known me for a long time is aware that my dating life has a long history of being unsuccessful. However I did not just wake up one day and say, “Hey, I really want a significant other so I’m gonna start dating girls too!”
10. “Do you think you’re gonna marry a guy or a girl?”
Here, let me just get out my crystal ball and peer into my future. Otherwise there is seriously no way I can answer that.
11. “I don’t believe bisexuality exists.”
It’s not Santa Claus. It doesn’t go away if you don’t believe in it.
12. “Everybody chooses one or the other eventually.”
I’m still young, so it’s possible that my tastes could change, but talking like it’s inevitable trivializes my current identity.
13. “So are you half gay and half straight?”
You really don’t get it, do you?
14. “What kind of boys do you like?” “Okay what kind of girls do you like?”
Usually I’ve found that when my girl friends ask what kind of boys I like they’re looking for specific physical features (e.g. abs, strong jaw line, tall) and when they ask what kind of girls I like they mean butch or femme. Either way, I like boys and girls who I find attractive. That’s all. Good day.
15. “Do you watch The L-Word?”
It’s on my Netflix queue. Do you ask every gay guy you meet if he likes Glee? You know what, don’t answer that.
16. “How many guys and how many girls have you dated/had sex with?”
Do you ask straight people who you don’t know that well about their sexual histories? Don’t answer that one either.
17. “Do you like threesomes?”
I have never had any strong desire to be in one but if, say, Matt Smith and Karen Gillian made me an offer I would jump all over it. 😛
18. “It’s just a phase.”
I get this one a lot because I came out after my first semester of college. Especially because I go to a liberal school with an strong LGBTQ presence. But here’s a thing about most of the phases I’ve gone through: I usually learn some pretty important stuff from them.
19. “You just haven’t found the right guy yet.”
Nah, I’ve just figured that there’s a possibility that my “right guy” could be a girl.